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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

*Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both
cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it
gets 1.4999999999.
*The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the
road, and there was much rejoicing.
*Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
*Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
*Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've
not been told!
*Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
*Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was
good enough for us.
*M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was
on at the time.
*Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
*Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
*O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

    Sayings that should be on bumper stickers...
   
*Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
*Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
*I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier.
*This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
*If I throw a stick, will you leave?
*You! Off my planet!
*Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
*If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
*Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
*And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
*A PBS mind in an MTV world.
*Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth.
*Allow me to introduce my selves.
* Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
*Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
*After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
*Back off! You're standing in my aura.
*I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
*One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
*It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
*You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
* Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
*Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
*Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
*Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
*You look like shit. Is that the style now?
*I plead contemporary insanity.
*And which dwarf are you?